


Ask a Stupid Question

by darkmagicalgirl



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-29
Updated: 2015-05-29
Packaged: 2018-04-01 21:08:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4034659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkmagicalgirl/pseuds/darkmagicalgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Captains Futakuchi, Ennoshita, Yahaba, and Shirabu are interviewed for a TV spot. Futakuchi has a little too much fun.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ask a Stupid Question

**Author's Note:**

> For [Dateko Week](http://hqdatekouweek.tumblr.com) Day 5 prompt: Time. 
> 
> [Memorde](http://archiveofourown.org/users/memorde) made me ship this so, you know, *shakes fist and writes banter*
> 
> Watch my Shirabu characterization get blown to pieces in the next chapter.

"So, to review," the immaculately dressed women with a bob cut and terrifyingly sharp glasses says as the clock hits 7am, looking at Futakuchi as if he's the troublemaker here. "No swearing, no shout outs to your family or friends, keep it inspirational, don't embarrass me. Oh yes, and try to have a good time with it. Think you can manage that?"

"We can handle it, ma'am," the Aobajousai kid - okay, okay, Futakuchi knows his name is Yahaba - says, placing his hands on his lap delicately and looking like an utter teacher's pet. 

"Yes," the other setter, Shirabu from Shiratorizawa says shortly. He's barely said anything to anyone since he's shown up.

"We'll try," the Karasuno guy, Ennoshita, says gloomily. He's been looking like that ever since he asked some technical question about the cameras they were using and got rebuffed by the scary woman in charge.

"No promises," Futakuchi says with a wink. The woman glares at him and he instantly has regrets. "Just kidding! But are you sure it's a good idea to separate us from our teams like this? Sometimes they act out if their captains aren't-"

The woman pierces him with a quelling look. "The interview order was decided long before this," she informs him coldly. "Your team will have to survive without you. No more stalling from any of you lot, understand? We're on a schedule here."

Yahaba glares at Futakuchi, apparently feeling injured at being caught in the scolding crossfire. As if his team isn't one of the top candidates to cause trouble- well, okay, probably all their teams are top candidates to cause trouble. Futakuchi shudders to think what Koganegawa could be getting into without his supervision.

Really, whoever had come up with the bright idea to do a TV spot starring the top 4 teams in Miyagi, as per the last month's Interhigh results, clearly had never met any of the teams in question. Futakuchi is sure just watching his lot on the court, or Aobajousai, would be enough to give an idea of some of the wild personalities on their team, to say nothing of the ridiculousness that is Karasuno's lineup. Shiratorizawa is the only one that could pretend to be presentable, but their captain has apparently taken unfriendliness to the point of an artform and manages to be even less camera ready than their old star, Ushijima.

Honestly, the producers who hatched this ridiculous interview-slash-volleyball club promotion plan must be kicking themselves that they didn't do it last year, when they would have had Oikawa Tooru around. They're supposed to be inspiring the hearts and minds of kids in Miyagi to take up volleyball and make it to Nationals, but frankly, Futakuchi has his doubts that any of them could inspire a mosquito to bite them.

"We're rolling in 3, 2, 1, action," the woman says. She points at the handsome, news anchor type guy who has been looking over cue cards and ignoring them the whole time. 

"Welcome, viewers," he says into one of the cameras. Futakuchi can see his smile reflected on one of the monitors. "We're here in Sendai Gymnasium, where we've gathered some very talented young men-"

"And a few moderately okay ones," Futakuchi mutters under his breath. Yahaba palms twitch on his lap, even as he keeps his face politely blank. Shirabu's face is actually blank and Futakuchi actually wonders if he has perfected the ability to fall asleep with his eyes open.

Ennoshita exhales air out his nose in a hard puff that Futakuchi knows very well. It's a precursor to a laugh, an almost chuckle, a _that was funny but not vocalize through my mouth funny_ reaction and, just like that, Futakuchi has a new project.

The anchorman keeps talking, droning on about the age of the stadium and who built it and what the seating capacity is.

"So, kids, bring along a few thousand of your closest friends if any of this boring shit sounds fun to you!" Futakuchi says quietly.

"No swearing," says Yahaba, hands curled now into fists and Futakuchi is mildly glad that Shirabu is between them. He wishes he could have brought Aone along.

Ennoshita doesn't so much as twitch at that one. Futakuchi is going to have to try harder.

The anchorman finally finishes up his introduction and turns, walking to the four of them where they are seated on one truly uncomfortable bench. "We've gathered here some of the best captains in Miyagi, all of whom led their teams to placing in the top four at this years Interhigh, We're going to ask them some questions."

Futakuchi smiles charmingly in preparation. He is going to rock this.

"Congratulations to all four of your on your excellent performances at the Interhigh," the anchorman says, apparently unaware at how it makes three of them stiffen slightly. "Were you surprised to have done so well?"

"No," Shirabu says.

"Haha, okay then," the anchorman says. The woman is making some sort of angry gesture off to the side.

 _Oh,_ Futakuchi thinks. _This is going to be incredible._

"For the kids watching this who are considering starting to play volleyball, what is the most important thing you think a player should have?"

"Drive," Shirabu says.

"Determination," Yahaba says.

"The ability to learn from your mistakes," Ennoshita says.

"A volleyball," Futakuchi says earnestly. "It's very hard to play without one."

"The proper equipment is usually provided by the school, but practicing at home can be a big help," Yahaba adds smoothly, hands twitching again. From the way Ennoshita's eyebrows have risen the tiniest fraction, Futakuchi is not sure whether Yahaba is helping him or hurting him. He thinks helping him.

The anchorman smiles and nods as if this is all to be expected. He really must be a professional. "Do you have any heroes you look up to for motivation?"

"Oikawa-san," Yahaba says right away and blushes a little. "Um, our former captain."

"Yes, I do," Shirabu says and declines to elaborate.

"I don't know about specifically," Ennoshita says. "But lately my team talks a lot about the Small Giant."

"Godzilla," Futakuchi says.

"Which version?" Ennoshita asks.

"The 1954 one, of course," Futakuchi says, trying to hide how smug he is to have gotten a response already.

"The original," Ennoshita says. "Very nice."

"Ah, yes," the anchorman says loudly. "It's important to have hobbies outside of the sport. What do you all do to relax?"

"I make movies," Ennoshita says.

"I'd rather not say," Shirabu says. 

"I compose music, sometimes," Yahaba says.

"Is that so?" Ennoshita looks interested at that and Futakuchi clenches up. He'll need to work harder.

"I never relax," he deadpans, trying to look as serious as possible.

Ennoshita's mouth twitches, just slightly.

"Being a captain comes with a lot of responsibility for the team as a whole," the anchorman says, a bit of desperation appearing around his eyes. "What would you all say is the most troublesome thing you have to deal with as captain?"

"Probably people stripping in front of me," Ennoshita says with such a complete lack of inflection that Futakuchi can only assume he's being fully honest.

Futakuchi nearly chokes.

"K-keeping an eye on everyone's mental states," Yahaba says, looking increasingly terrified and stressed. To have his ally in normalcy abandon him so suddenly must have been quite a blow.

"The paperwork, I suppose," Shirabu says.

"Uh," Futakuchi says, his planned response fleeing from his mind in the wake of Ennoshita's game changing response. "The underclassman, I guess?" Aw, crap, his old senpai are going to have such a laugh at that if they air it.

The anchorman chuckles although that is the least funny thing Futakuchi has said all day. "Where do you see yourself in ten years from this moment?" he asks.

"In bed, hopefully," Futakuchi says.

"I actually have to agree with that," Ennoshita says.

Futakuchi wiggles his eyebrows.

"But not with that," Ennoshita says.

"No fun," Futakuchi says.

Yahaba looks like he's choosing between fainting and hitting someone. The scary woman looks like she's settled on hitting someone. Even Shirabu's apathy is chipping around the edges.

"Moving on," the anchorman says, readjusting his tie nervously. "I'm sure you all have heard the rumors that due to the increased number of skilled teams in our region, there has been some consideration of Miyagi sending two representative teams to Nationals instead of one. What do you all think of this proposed increase?"

"It doesn't really matter," Shirabu says. "Whether they win here or in Tokyo, one team will come out ahead either way."

"I think it's a good idea," Yahaba says. "It will help more talented players be able to have their skills tested and demonstrated to universities and professional teams."

"I'm not really sure what to think of it," Ennoshita says. "I can see pros and cons."

"Frankly speaking, I'm against the idea," Futakuchi says. "In fact, Miyagi already sends too many teams to Nationals as it is. We should decrease the number of teams we send."

"That would mean sending no teams," the anchorman says.

"I know what I said," Futakuchi says and winks. 

Yahaba's face is bright red and Ennoshita's shoulders are shaking.

A door clatters opens. "Ma'am, we need some help," a panting assistant calls from the door, looking exhausted and harassed. "I think some of the players are about to get into a fight!"

"Oh for- I'm going to kill him," Yahaba says and darts off the bench and out the door before anyone can stop him.

Ennoshita sighs. "Some of mine are probably involved, too."

"Cut!" The woman snaps. Two bright spots of color have appeared high on her cheeks and she's drawn up as tall as she can to become a pointy tower of rage. "This is a fucking disaster. We didn't even make it to fifteen minutes without- I just- Get these damn children out of my sight!"

In short order, all four teams are kicked out of the gym.

"That was fun," Futakuchi comments. "I can't believe I missed the fight." Aone looks over with an ashamed face and Futakuchi raises his hand. "Don't worry, Aone, I'm sure you tried your best to stop them, but there were just too many. Don't feel bad."

Yahaba walks past, his camera perfect hair all a mess. He points at Aobajousai's bus. "Get in," he says to his team, not looking at them where they are fidgeting guiltily. "Now." When he's sure the last cowed looking player has gotten on, he turns and glares at Futakuchi. "I hope you're proud of yourself."

"I really, really am," Futakuchi says.

Shirabu leads his team off without a glance back, leaving Karasuno and Datekou as the only teams left.

"I wonder if any of that will be usable," Futakuchi muses to Ennoshita.

"Oh, I'm sure they can edit our personalities out if they try hard enough," Ennoshita says. "You'll definitely cause them a few headaches, though."

"Excellent," Futakuchi says. "That was my goal all along, you know."

Ennoshita gives him a bland look. "Really? Because I could have sworn that your goal was to make me laugh."

Futakuchi swallows at being called out. "Well," he says, trying to hide how flustered he feels, but can't come up with anything to follow that.

"You didn't succeed," Ennoshita says. "But I guess we did get cut off early."

"Exactly," Futakuchi says. "I demand a proper do-over."

"Alright then," Ennoshita says. "Do you know the park with the big lion statue near your school?" He waits for Futakuchi to nod. "Next Sunday at two, then," he says and walks away.

"Futakuchi-senpai, did you just get picked up on a date by a rival captain?" Koganegawa asks.

"Maybe," Futakuchi says and can feel himself break into a smile. _Oh my_ , he thinks. _I'm going to have so much fun._


End file.
